Friday, August 20, 2010
Expectations
I'm just going to start this by saying that it's a bit random. It's not about Ella or Nathan, or what funny or exciting things they've been doing lately. It's not about what we've been up to the past few months. Nope. This is about expectations. My expectations. I'm beginning to wonder if I my expectations of people are too high. Sounds sad, doesn't it? There have been a few things that have happened recently that have really made me think about how people treat other people, and how I would want to be treated. I know, it sounds like the old cliche. But it's so true. I went to a funeral last night. The father of one of my college roommates passed away earlier this week from cancer. I lived with 7 girls in college. I was the only one that showed up. I'm not looking for a medal or a cookie or anything. Believe me, I didn't want to be there. Of course there were certain circumstances that prevented some from attending, like living across the country, but out of everyone, I'm the only one that was there. And I didn't even think twice about going. Not going wasn't even an option. Joe had a previously scheduled meeting and my parents were unavailable to babysit, so luckily my sister-in-law was able to come over with her boys and babysit for a few hours. We made arrangements and figured it out. So I went alone. And it was sad. Really sad. They had the visitation for a few hours right at the church before the funeral service, so I went straight from work. I stood in line and waited to see my friend and her mom, gave them both hugs, all the while trying my best to keep it together...they were, so should I, right? Then I sat in my car and cried. I cried for my friend. I cried for my friend's mom. I just felt so sad at that moment, and I was all alone. So I went shopping for an hour and then came back for the funeral. It was a nice service. Isn't that what everyone says about a funeral? I mean, what else can you really say? Then I sat in my car and cried some more. I stopped for some french fries on the way home (which is becoming a whole other issue...stayed tuned for dieting woes.) At 30 years old, and didn't think I'd have to lower my expectations of people. I don't, do I?
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4 comments:
First, I am so sorry for your friend's dad. :( Thoughts and prayers for her.
It is really too bad that you were the only roommate to show up for the funeral. I would be hurt if I were your friend. I don't know if people are less... supportive? selfless? than they used to be. I do know I was blessed with tons of meals, babysitting, and concern when I was on bedrest, so it is still out there somewhere. But I will also say that out of all my friends, you are the one who is the best at being friends. Does that make sense? Like you are always super caring, you remember important things/dates, you make the extra effort to keep in touch, etc. I really appreciate who you are, and I'm sure your friend who lost her father appreciated having you there.
Why worry about what other people do? You can't control it either way. There are a lot of people out there and its almost guaranteed that none of them will see and interpret the world exactly the same way you do. Guessing, wondering, worrying, etc... about why other people do what they do is an exercise in futility because its impossible to know everything that is going on in their minds, hearts, and lives. Focus on making your life what you want it to be and let others worry about theirs. Do what you think is right for you and your family and let the rest go.
I guess I was just thinking about my friend and putting myself in her shoes. I just would've been hurt, that's all.
For those of us that do live across the country it was comforting to know that you were able to go and offer support...i know she was in my thoughts and prayers that day and sadly that was all i could contribute
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